I’ve been writing BDSM erotica for over 10 years now, but I’ve been practicing it for well over 30. My boyfriend, now my husband, and I just fell into it, not really even knowing what we were doing, but definitely knowing that what we were doing felt amazing.
All of our adventures, though, hinged on respect. He respected me enough not to push me too hard and to never, ever push me to do something he KNEW I didn’t want to do.
I also respected him enough to follow his lead even if it meant going outside of my own comfort zone. If I did not respect him, I would have never learned of the joys of clamps, plugs, semi-public (parties) submission, spanking, bondage, and a host of other pleasures.
Basically, without respect, there would be no trust and without trust, there is no consent.