This is, as the category states, NON-FICTION. People have asked me why I write BDSM. It’s about abuse, right? WRONG. There are several key aspects of the lifestyle which differentiate it from abuse. First and foremost is consent. Each party consciously, with full knowledge, and with shared expectations, gives consent for each and every act that takes place. The moment – let me repeat! – the moment a safeword is spoken or that one party is not comfortable with what is happening is the moment everything stops. Sometimes, it stops for good, other times it stops until after a discussion, but without a doubt, it stops. Second, BDSM is about pleasure, not overpowering a weaker person. If there is no pleasure, then there is no point to BDSM. Abuse is just that – abuse. One person gaining his or her own pleasure from taking something from another person. It’s about power, not pleasure. Yes, there is something in BDSM called Total Power Exchange (TPE), but again, that is about pleasure. One person willingly and consciously gives up his or here power. The other person willingly and consciously accepts that gift and in doing so agrees to (sometimes tacitly) keep the other person safe from harm and to provide that person with pleasure of some kind or other. In the end, both parties should feel loved, safe, respected, and satiated.
Abuse, however, is about terror and blind obedience and taking what is not being offered. This article explains in much more detail than I ever could. As the victim of a sexual assault, I understand almost on the molecular level the difference between abuse and the lifestyle. My stories are meant to promote joy, pleasure, trust, and love. The differences between BDSM and abuse are as wide as wine is from salt water. If you enjoy the lifestyle, as I have for over 30 years, you know the difference. If you are knew to the lifestyle and are unsure, please ask. Most of all, please, please, please. If you have been a victim of any type of sexual assault, please seek help. If you aren’t willing to go to the police, find a support group, a friend, a community that can support you.